Fuck 2009. It is un-blogworthy. Not everyday is supposed to be a great day filled with things to blog about…anyway, I prefer to blog about the ironic, sarcastic or slightly dark with a tinge of humor. Every blog that I have started since my last has been a negative blog, and I just don’t get that excited about negative blogs, so I never posted them, but I guess I need to get it out. Here is a batch blog about all of the shit I do not like and is still lingering. So instead of writing a coherent blog, I am just going to bitch about everything I hate about two-thousand fucking nine.
I hate that my apartment was broken into that I have suffered lasting paranoia and hyper-vigilance.
I hate my dog got sick and we dropped so much money to help her and then she gets sick again.
I hate that my husbands bike was stolen and that he handed evidence to the cops on a silver fucking platter and they did nothing.
I hate that my old fucking computer started acting up and I had to buy a new one (though I fancy the new one).
I hate that I am supposed to feel like I am winding up my dissertation research and I am not.
I hate that I feel like a fucking moron for 70% of my work day.
I hate that I can’t focus for more than 1 hour at a time.
I hate that I have to commute again. I am not joking when I say that I hate commuting. I have seriously considered driving my car off of the road in mid-commute. Really. I also really hate that I am expected to work commuting into my lifestyle. No one should be subject to such torture.
I hate that people promise things and don’t follow up on them.
I hate that I am not strong enough to use my flexibility I’ve worked so hard for in ballet.
I hate that I do not like public speaking, but even more I hate that I don’t have the confidence/interest to talk about my research to others.
I hate that I got my hair cut.
I hate that my face is breaking out like mad fucking pizza.
I hate that I am never quite happy with my body.
I hate that I am self-centered enough to started the last 14 sentences with the word “I”.
I hate the way my graduate career has gone.
I hate that I have to live apart from my husband.
I hate that next year, we are not going to live in the sweet house we thought we were going to live in.
I hate that I will probably never live in a city again. This fills me with ennui.
I hate that I am supposed to graduate and have next to no fucking clue what I want to do with my three degrees.
I hate that I now how fragile finances really are now.
I hate that I let past opportunities go for unnecessary reasons.
I hate that shit just keeps happening before I can get over shit that’s already happened.
I think I am finished. For karmic balance, I will add a (short) list of things that I like. Maybe it could be longer, but quite frankly, I am not really in a sunshine-up-the-ass kind of mood right now if you couldn’t tell.
I like that I can sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel of misery for my graduate career.
I like that I presented a paper at a conference.
I like that I live with 4 kitties, a nice dog and 2 humans. The humans make good margaritas. I like that the female human can commissertate, or do a good job at pretending to commisserate, with at least 50% of the above list.
I like my husband, who in turn likes me back.
I like that we’re going to France. If this falls through, I may go postal…and I will speak for my husband to. We will go postal together.
I like that I can take a hot shower everyday.
I like hot tea.
I should probably shutup and be grateful for the shit that I have, because I am sure there are some people who couldn’t put anything on the “I like” list this year. Sometimes it’s just hard to appreciate what you do have when you spend most of your day beating your head against the wall trying to think up some new research that you just aren’t that interested in, so you can get a job that will bore you, so you can buy shit that you don’t need. Awesome. I gotta find a way to break the cycle.
