For dinner we had a little watermelon and a half an orange.  Watermelon was the first thing I bit into.  It was so sweet and so delicious…I just wanted to keep chewing it.  The orange tasted quite tart, more tart than usually, which is good because I think my salivary glands forgot how to work…this got them going.

I weighed in at 1XX+2 and weighed out at 1XX-3.  That’s 5 pounds.  Holy crap.  I’ll probably gain most of it back, but it would be nice to keep it at 1XX!  My husband lost 6 lbs and wants to gain like 12 back.  Haha.

We may have some more later tonight…wait, we definitely will, unless I barf first.  Herbal tea is whistling!

I slept through the night without throwing up!  Yay!!!  I did feel a little bit sick right before heading to bed, but it went away.  I almost slept through the whole night, I woke up twice and just pet the kitty for a while…a real kitty you perv, her name is Maggie.

Last night we exchanged massages.  My body has actually been sore, especially my lower back.  I’m not sure if it’s the decreased activity and so much sitting or if this is what it feels like when your body cannibalizes itself.  It’s not that bad, but not really pleasant.  The massage definitely helped.

This morning, I feel pretty good…not hungry, but I am really looking forward to the watermelon tonight.  Today I will take it really easy, just rug making and some grading…and probably against my will, some football watching.  Yesterday, I was fairly active.  I vacuumed the whole house, which takes about 30 minutes and we took a 30 minute walk.

We also went to Whole Foods to get some food for Monday, since we have none.  It was a little bit like torture.  I’ve never really spent a significant amount of time in that store because I don’t have much desire to buy organic vegetables; however, they have some really great conventional food too.  They have a great selection of rices, grains, dried fruit and nuts, which are all cheaper than the grocery store we usually go to.  We have been mostly avoiding peanut butter since we started eating much healthier because of the hydrogenated oil and sugar they add to it, so we ground our own peanuts into peanut butter there.  I’m soooo excited to taste it.  It’s probably great!

Sooo, last night kind of sucked.  I went to sleep just fine around 11:30pm and slept until about 5 am, where I was awoken abruptly by a dream where I found out I was pregnant.  I felt my heart pounding in my chest when I woke up and felt like I was going to throw up.  My hands and feet were a little tingly.  I woke up my husband because I was freaking out, ran into the bathroom to throw up nothing.  I had nothing to throw up at all.  I drank some water while hanging out on the bathroom floor and felt much better and went back to bed.  An hour or so later, the same thing minus the pregnant dream happened, but I had some water to throw up now.  So I got up and walked around a little drinking some water.  I stayed up and felt OK for about another hour and threw up again.  After this I went back to bed and stayed there until 11am and haven’t throw up yet.  I feet generally OK, though my hands, ankles and knees are a little bit tingly sometimes.  I’m working on my area rug and watching some trash on TV.

Supposedly puking while fasting isn’t that uncommon.

Today for breakfast I had some orange and pineapple, cream of wheat and a cup of herbal tea at 9 am.  This is my last meal until Sunday night, which will just basically be some watermelon.

It’s now 5 pm.  We just got back from running some errands and stocking up on movies.  We got three movies and I’m pretty excited about them.  One is Forgetting Sarah Marshall – it’s one I wouldn’t go to see in the theatre, but it’s probably pretty entertaining.  Another one is Secretary – it’s an older movie pretty much about a kinky BDSM relationship between a submissive secretary and her dominant boss.  The other movie is some Spanish/Math movie, Fermat something, which is really more up Derek’s alley, but it will be interesting I’m sure.

Around lunch today, I was feeling pretty hungry.  Hungry past the point of just stomach, it was in my head too.  This lasted for an hour or two during which my mom called and talked about food to me – she’s not cruel, she’s just starting the vegan eating like we’ve been doing she had some questions.  She’s been feeling worse starting eating vegan for three days than I’ve felt during the fast so far.  During errands I was feeling OK, not so much hungry and now I sort of just feel relaxed – all I want to do it sit on the couch kind of feeling.

I’ve realized that I go get food out of boredom a lot.  When I was doing some grading and thinking about research, I walked into the kitchen at least three times knowing that I can’t eat and just sort of looked around – there’s nothing except the watermelon.  Since I work from home, eating is very easy.  Since I hate my work, I get bored a lot.  Bad combo.  This is probably why when I waited tables I was at my smallest ever – even though I ate restaurant food a lot more, I didn’t have time to snack.

Right now if I could eat anything it would be: a banana, strawberry and pineapple salad with honey on top and some popcorn to go with the movies.

This weekend, my husband and I are fasting.  Friday breakfast will be our last meal of the weekend.  Sunday, “dinner” will be some watermelon.  Monday, back to vegan eating, but maybe a little lighter if our stomachs are upset.

Upon my husband getting a book a month ago titled “Fasting and Eating for Health,” we decided to give it a try.  This is our third week being “vegan”.  I put it in quotations because vegan is the best way to describe it, but we are not actually vegan.  We still eat meat and dairy, but not on a typical day…maybe once a week.

No, we are not insane.  No, we are not sadists.  No, we are not religious.  We are doing it for health.  The idea of the fast is to give you body time to rest totally.  When you are digesting food, your body is not at rest and may try to conserve energy by ignoring other less urgent processes.  Think about when you get really sick and food just sounds gross…it even tastes different.  Your body doesn’t want you to eat so that it can focus on beating the virus or bacteria.  We have been raised to believe that we have to eat 3 meals a day everyday, even when sick or not hungry…or we are going to die.  I remember this as a child, my parents would always force me to eat “to keep my strength up”.

The first time I was really sick as an adult was in college.  I was a freshman, so I lived in the dorm.  I was far to weak to get up to walk and get food, so I didn’t.  I just drank juice from the vending machine on my floor.  The next day, I felt absolutely fine.  I don’t get sick all that often, but the next time I got really sick (and my husband too) was right after our honeymoon.  We had the flu, bad.  I really thought that I might die.  I could only get out of bed to barf (my husband was lucky enough not to be barfing).  I didn’t eat for at least a day, maybe two, but at the end of the second day of being sick I thought “I have eat, or I am not going to be able to fight this”, so I made some soup.  This soup (Minestrone, my favorite) tasted like crap.  I could barely taste anything except for this terrible sewer-like taste.  I couldn’t even finish it.  It was the same with juice…I’m a scientist, I had to check to make sure it wasn’t just the soup being spoiled.  One more example before we learned our lesson was just recently when we were in Europe.  My husband was really sick towards the end.  Everything he ate basically went right through.  So what did he do?  He kept eating…and then again, right through.  After a few days of this, he stopped eating for maybe a day and we were so paranoid the next day, “he just had to eat something”…again, right through.  He didn’t get better until he stopped eating entirely and just drank a light electrolyte solution.  Only in retrospect do I realize the value of not eating when you are sick.

Mark my words: I will never force my children to eat when they are not hungry.

Anyway, I plan on doing nearly nothing for the entire weekend.  I have been feeling mentally exhausted also.  I plan on watching lots of movies, reading some books, working on my area rug and working on my flexibility.  There will be no research, no ballet (aside from the stretching), no running, no cooking, no cleaning.  It sounds awesome, and it will be guilt-free because I am not allowing myself to do anything.  I am really looking forward to it.

My weight as of this morning is 1XX+3.  I imagine that I will lose about 1.5 lbs of fat/muscle during the fast and who knows how many lbs of water.  I’m interested to see what it is.

I hate useless clutter.  We have a fairly clutter free household save for school related items and a few sentimental things tucked away in the closets.  One of the biggest, most expensive useless clutters I have sitting around is my old laptop.  As a break from my work, I am attempting to make it work well enough to use as a computer for music in our arizona room.  It has startup issues – it starts up just fine sometimes, and other times, the screen is just black, the computer is on, but not booting up.  I’m updating all the software and drivers and cleaning out the crevices.  I am pretty sure there is something wrong with the wireless card because sometimes when it was my main computer when I would turn it on or off, the computer would just shut down.  Maybe I’ll just rip it out.  It’s a last ditch effort anyway.  Right now, it’s running beautifully with only one screw holding the whole thing together.  I’m afraid to turn it off again though.

We have rolled out a new model, Jbot2.0.  This new model includes:

• increased optimism in research capabilities
• new diet
• better skin
• pointework capabilities

Remaining complaints include:

• long, scraggly, desperately-needs-to-be-cut, over-bleached mixed with fading black hair
• nagging issues

We expect the hair problem to be resolved sometime in November as it requires a trip to Society Hill Philadelphia for specialized treatment.  The nagging problem is not fixable directly, as being anal is hardwired into the motherboard, but could be fixed environmentally by a maid installation or an upgrade of the current Husband mess-recognition software.

Anyway.  Today I feel good, maybe it’s all of the vegetables…

After a long, painful conversation with my advisor on the phone, being hammered about how horrible my writing style was and then re-reading my dissertation, I realized that my dissertation was indeed sounding rather pessimistic.  This is not surprising, because I have hated my research and life for quite some time.  I was just presenting results – I have about 90 pages of pure results not all that logically organized with nothing in between making it flow or sound like it’s a significant contribution.  So now what I am doing is pretty much re-writing the entire thing, but trying to tell a story – which is much more enjoyable than writing up results.  It’s more difficult though, especially because I don’t think my research is that great.  That conversation though may have just been the kick in the ass I needed to finish this bitch.

I love this new “diet”.  It’s great, and I feel like it’s sustainable.  It’s basically vegan 6 days a week (except I eat honey regularly and still wear leather shoes).  The other day, meat is allowed, which will likely coincide with the one day per week I can drink alcohol.  It’s also mostly a whole food diet (except I use olive oil (which is not a whole food)(p.s. I love nested parentheses, it really shows my command of the English language), vinegar and splenda so I don’t get cavities).  On day 5 of it, I feel really great.  Maybe it’s mental more than anything, but that’s OK for now.  And to think last Thursday I ate In-and-Out Burger…ha.  And it’s great because my husband and I are doing it together.  He’s pretty into it too.  It’s nice to do something like this together.

For some reason, a few months ago, my skin miraculously decided to be awesome.  I am zit-free right now for perhaps the first time in a few years.  I have been skipping washing my face in the morning.  I’ve just been rinsing it with water or using face lotion as cleanser, as weird as that sounds.  At night, I use facewash and then exfoliate with a stridex pad, but rinse it off afterward, then apply a mild benzoyl peroxide cream all over.  Whether it’s the sun here or the regimen, I don’t care, just keep the good skin coming.

I love that I got to start pointe at my studio.  It’s so exciting.  I’m not exactly dancing gracefully across the floor yet, but hopefully I will be soon.  I seem to have taken to it quite naturally and I have “good feet”.  This week I am actually taking a break from ballet altogether to rest my achilles tendons, which have been bugging me for about 2 months.  Starting pointe only made it worse.  I, and everyone else, heard a loud snap in class last Friday, which is never good.  If it doesn’t get better with this rest, I suppose I will have to go to the doctor.

I guess my point is that I feel like maybe I am finally starting to come out of my 2+ year funk a little bit.  Funks suck.  I actually feel like my brain is different than it was before.  Instantly, whenever I think about my research, I get depressed.  I can procrastinate like no other, have you seen my farm on Farmville?  or how clean the house is?  If it’s a bad research day, that depressed feeling will carry over into other things.  It has even gotten as bad as science and critical thinking generally leads directly to the depression center of my brain.  My enjoyment for crossword and other puzzles, riddles, random scientific facts and knowledge and just learning cool science for the heck of it has dwindled tremendously.  Doing something with my body is about the only solace I can get – hence the ballet, the gardening, the cleaning.

If I can finish my dissertation, take a break from research for a few months maybe even a year, know where I am going to live and get a job that is nothing like what I am doing now, I think I just may be OK with minimum permanent damage.

1.)  Today, I am 1XX+4, so I am happy.

Separate from my desired to shed these last 4 pounds, my husband and I have started a hippy, so-mid-to-late-20’s-thing-to-do, “lifestyle” change…or a diet, but not in the sense that everyone thinks of diet.  It came about from a book that was lent to my husband about eating and fasting for health.  We just want to eat healthier, and maybe feel better than we already feel…and I think this will really help speed the last 4 pounds along.  I have really been struggling with food (and other) allergies for the last few years, and this book claims that fasting can help alleviate allergies, I remain skeptical, but may try it because I am sick of avoiding food I love and having to take medicine everyday.

Starting Saturday, we have been basically eating vegan without actually being vegan (I love eating juicy rare steak)…just very little dairy or meat products, only about once a week.  Today is day 3 of this and I am actually feeling pretty good.  I don’t feel hungry and if I do, I am free to eat whatever I want, as long as it comes from aisle 1, the produce aisle.  Yesterday, we had oatmeal and tea for breakfast.  A big, delicious salad with romaine, spring mix, radishes, sprouts, lemon, almonds and olive oil and vinegar for lunch.  For dinner we had a big plate of lentils (which were surprisingly delicious for as gross as they looked), and green beans, and another big salad, this time with romaine, spring mix, celery, avocado, walnuts, red pepper, grapes and vinegar and oil.  Spread out through the day, I ate 6 servings of fruit – 2 bananas, way too many strawberries (which is one of the foods I am allergic too, but I love…hello claritin), orange, and pineapple – and some peanuts.

There are some things that I can’t quite kick yet.  This book says no caffeine, but I just can’t do that, maybe some day, but not yet.  I still use splenda in my tea, because the only time I ever used real sugar in my tea was the only time I ever had cavities filled.  Having a mouth full of rotting teeth is not something I am willing to have.  Maybe in the near future, I can appreciate the taste of tea without sugar, but not right now.  I will still drink, but limit it to the weekends, preferably only once a week.

For my husband, his weakness will be cereal.  He is addicted to cereal…usually about 2-3 bowls per day.  Cereal is not really considered a whole food, plus, you usually put milk on it.  Currently, he is allowed to have cereal every other day for breakfast, but he hasn’t yet.

According to this book, after a few weeks of eating like this, fasting for a few days is not difficult at all.  We’ll see though.

2.)  I am just over 1/3 done with my area rug.  It’s looking good, but I am behind schedule.  I need some children I can exploit.

3.)  I basically have a first draft of my thesis done already.  I sent the main chapter to my advisor, and he tore it apart.  Apparently, my writing sounds pessimistic (duh, I hate this).  So now I am pretty much going rewrite the chapters from scratch.  Now my goal is to have this new draft which I will call, Draft one-point-five-oh, the “oh” standing for optimistic, done by Thanksgiving.

4.)  As far as furnishing our house, we already had 4 dining chairs that came with our table.  We got 2 extra folding chairs already from when we had guests last Thanksgiving.  Last weekend, we had dinner guests and bought 2 more folding chairs.  Now we should have enough for this Thanksgiving.  I love these foldable chairs from Cost Plus.  They are dark wood, and nearly match the color of our dining room table.  For $20 each, they look awesome, and they fold away, so we don’t have 8 huge chairs taking up space.  The funny thing about them though is that they have a 160 lbs weight limit, which can be awkward.

We also bought some papasan rocker/swivel chairs off of craigslist.  We got 2 chairs plus a footstool for $35.  I looked online and these bitches retail for at least $150 each.  Now, they were extremely dirty and dust covered, but a good hose-down and they looked like new.  I washed the cushions and spent $15 on fabric to reupholster them so they matched our existing furniture.  Now our TV room is much for comfortable and can fit more people.

Now we just need to fill that corner…why is IKEA so far away?

I have some goals I’d like to reach by Thanksgiving.  I don’t know why Thanksgiving, but it just seems like a good time.

1.)  When we got back from France, visiting and moving, I was about +9 above my happy weight of 1XX.  I was in France for 5 weeks, and it would have been a shame to skimp on the les baguettes, fromage et croissants…so I didn’t.  I didn’t have access to a scale in France, so I didn’t know what my weight was there, but I got tons of exercise and I didn’t really feel gross.  In Paris, we walked everywhere.  In the Alps, I practiced often and strenuous hiking every weekend.  I think the problem was that I kept eating soooo much when I was being sedentary while visiting and moving.  When we got settled into our new house, I felt gross.  Now, I’m full back into ballet classes and the leotard still fits (yes!), but it’s a little tight.  Since starting ballet classes, I’ve managed to drop to 1XX+7 without really changing my eating habits.  Anyway, by Thanksgiving, I wish to be back to 1XX, so I’ll have to really start watching the food I eat.

2.)  I’ve also started an area rug.  It’s going to be 3.5×5 feet, though I hope to double it to 5×7 eventually.  My goal is the finish the 3.5×5 part by Thanksgiving.  It’s going to be very cool.  I’m so impatient about it…I want it to be done now!

3.)  I’d like to have a first draft of my thesis done, and be starting on the second draft.

4.)  I’d like to have our house fully furnished by then.  This one because we will likely have people over for the holidays.  We’ll need a few more dining chairs and such, and one giant vase from IKEA for the extremely empty corner of our living room.

Difficulty rank from hardest to easiest: 3 1 2 4

1 & 3 counteract each other.  I use 2 to procrastinate from 3.  Not finishing 3 means I still have a meager graduate student salary which makes purchasing items for 4 more difficult.

So, I’m going to try out this blog name.  It’s the best I can come up with so far.

Why “doing math in pen?”  Because that’s what I do and am doing right now…I do math in pen and it has been frowned upon for a greater portion of my life.  All of my work is and has been in pen since junior high, except for a very brief period in college where I became addicted to the mechanical pencil.  It’s an expensive habit, so I quit.  Plus, pencil smears all over the place and gets on your hands when you handle papers as much as you do in math, and I can’t stand eraser crumbles.  Pen is so permanent, you can’t erase your mistakes.  You have to live with them, or spend a lot of time scribbling them out.

Plus, pens just seem to show up for free.  I think I have probably bought 10 pens in my entire life, yet I have never run out.  I am never without pen.  They just seem to appear.  I bet if you asked the homeless guy on the corner if he had a pen, he would.  Everyone has pens.

Some current pens and where they came from:

CAC Villanova University.  I got this at a conference.

IEEE PacRim 09 -  Another conference.

University of Delaware Judical Affairs – Stolen from my husband.

Lockheed Martin – from my old work.

Johns Hopkins University ECE- yet another conference.

Sigma Sigma Sigma – from my old sorority, out of which I dropped.

Land Title guarantee company – stolen from my in-laws I think.

You can easily identify someone by the pens that they have and learn a lot about them.  My analysis:

Clearly a huge nerd, an academic, maybe a rocket scientist, by the collection of pens.

It is likely that this person owns a house, or tried to own one.

The sorority pen  in the company of the other pens throw it off.  A female rocket scientist?  Women can’t be scientists.  So this pen must belongs to this guy’s girlfriend or former girlfriend.  Sorority girls are hot, so this guy must be good looking and smart.  Wow.

OK bad analysis.  Anyway, this is my new blog name.